I’ve seen your new boyfriend, he’s really good looking.
If he was a rent boy I’d probably book him.
Not that I’m really into that stuff,
I’m just saying your boyfriend’s incredibly buff.
He’s got a really nice face, really nice hair.
He’s really polite and he’s really aware.
He’s got really nice teeth and a really nice tan.
He’s really relaxed when the shit hits the fan.
But he makes you look fat.
He makes you look ugly like a man.
He makes you look old just like his nan.
Yeah, he makes you look fat.
He makes you look fat.
He makes you look lardy ‘round the arse.
Don’t you know that he’s in a different class?
He makes you look fat.
You two together, what’s wrong with this picture?
You need a man who’s waste line will eclipse ya.
You need a man who’s a little more shoddy,
A gap in his teeth and and imperfect body.
It’s nothing you’ve done, you’ve just shot far too high.
You get ignored while they give him the eye.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you’re fat,
It’s just anyone would look fat when they’re sat next to that.
I’ve got a solution, you might like to try it.
You won’t have to jog and you won’t have to diet.
I’m sure you will see, to a certain degree,
How good-looking you’d be if you stood next to me.
I can make you look fit.
I can make you look much fitter than him.
Take a look at my saggy double-chin.
I can make you look fit.
